Happy Friday! Can you believe next week it will be Labor Day Weekend? Crazy!!?! I felt like the first part of the summer went sooo slowly, but the second half just flew along! I feel like September will be another quick month which is awesome because I just scheduled our “find out the sex” ultrasound for the first week of October! Woohoo! Nate and I are definitely finding out what we’re having—there’s been no question all along. I feel like once we know what we’re having 1.) Things will feel more “real” 2.) We’ll be able to start doing some shopping and planning 3.) We may have more clarity on the name front.
My nephew: Baby Judah
We spent some time last night shopping, I was looking for some sort of “in between” clothes or maybe some maternity wear, but nothing was speaking to me. All the maternity stuff was “blah” or too expensive (in my opinion). I ended up getting some black leggings because you can always wear black leggings. I was also pleased that I made it through this shopping trip without a body image breakdown (probably not trying anything on helped).
The last time I went shopping with my sister I had a major sobbing breakdown after I got home. Please hear me that I am so excited to have a baby and I’m so thankful for this incredible gift. But at the same time, as a woman, sometimes I look at my changing body, which doesn’t really look pregnant yet, just uh, chubby, and I struggle. I feel unattractive. The hormones rage. I judge myself. I feel like I should somehow do more to appear totally fit until the day I wake up with the cutest little pop of pregnant belly that looks like a pregnant belly.
I never thought that I would struggle this way. I was always the girl joking about how awesome it would be to down doughnuts while pregnant without consequence. But here I was sobbing on the couch with my very surprised husband who was swearing that I look the same, while trying to figure out if I was really, seriously crying over this.
I think the root of my struggle is the lack of control. My body has always been something I could (mostly) control—my size, strength, endurance—and for the time being, I can’t. It is becoming what it needs to become to give life to my child. And even though I may not like every part of the process, it is a beautiful thing.
* It took me awhile to decide to share this, because it is incredibly personal and makes me feel super vulnerable; but my hope is that this opens up a helpful and encouraging conversation about pregnancy and body image. If you can’t be part of this discussion in a helpful or encouraging way, please don’t be in it all.*
Did you ever struggle with pregnancy and body image? Why do you think you felt that way?
What was/is your favorite part of pregnancy?