5 Ways to Overcome Mom Guilt As an Imperfect Mom
Overcoming mom guilt feels about as likely as drinking your coffee while it’s still hot. That nagging voice that says you’re not enough—or that other moms are somehow raising organic kale-eating angels while you’re bribing yours with fruit snacks? Yeah, it’s relentless. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to live with it. You can tell mom guilt to take a hike and step into motherhood with confidence, courage, and a peaceful heart.
Have you ever had a day when you’re just scrolling social media innocently when you read a post from a friend talking about how she is creating unique and educational crafts with her kids everyday. And you know there’s nothing wrong with your current craft capacity of coloring in a Barbie coloring book with her your kid, BUT STILL the voices creep in…
“You should be doing something like that.”
“You don’t do educational crafts with your kids and I bet they’d love it.”
“You can barely get lunch together, so I guess that’s not for you.”
“Too bad you’re kids don’t have a cool, fun mom like her.”
5 Ways to Overcome Mom Guilt As an Imperfect Mom
Root your identity in Christ.
Sometimes these voices of comparison, shame, and guilt can get so loud. All I hear is a never-ending chorus of how I “should” and “shouldn’t” be. When those voices get loud, I know it is time to return to the quiet whisper of my heavenly Father.
His voice tells me who I am. And it doesn’t have to be loud, because it is near. Into my heart God whispers…You are my beloved child.
“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.” 1 John 3:1(NIV)
This is the only identity that matters. I am God’s beloved daughter. I don’t have to be the crafty mom or the cool mom or the one who has it all together. My identity is not reduced to my role as a mom or the behavior of my children.
God delights in giving His incredible love to you. He’s heaped it on you. He’s given you a new name–God’s beloved. You don’t have to perform or earn or be anything special to receive it. It’s His gift to you.
What a relief. I don’t know about you, but I just took a big breath out. I feel the pressure in my chest let up and some tension in my shoulders release. If I’m rooted in my unshakeable identity as God’s cherished daughter, I can finally relax—and love my personality, my mothering style, and even my wildly unique kids as the blessings they are.
Release the Highlight Reel Mentality
Mom guilt is so real and so paralyzing for moms today. And we hear it so much louder than ever before today thanks to social media.
- What SHE feeds her kids for lunch.
- How HER house is decorated for the holidays.
- How she’s crushing back to school drop-offs and getting to work on time.
- And killing her workouts.
- And getting up early for quiet time.
- And taking cute date night pics with her husband.
But let’s be real. There are no such things as perfect moms, no such thing as perfect humans. If we see someone that looks “perfect” on instagram, they aren’t perfect. They’re just showing you their highlight reel. They have struggles, discontentment, and annoyances–just like everyone else!
I love breaking up the instagram highlight reel mentality and keeping it real on social media!! It’s important that we hear from women about how they mess up, ask forgiveness, right their course, and keep moving forward. I love watching women that aren’t afraid to admit when they’re wrong or when they still have growing to do.
And it’s totally okay to have some “aspirational content” on social media, but just be sure to mix in plenty of authentic people in your real life and online spaces.
Recognize Mom guilt means that you care.
Here’s what I would tell you if we were sipping iced coffee in a coffee shop right now…I’d lean in and grab your hands and look into your eyes and say….
“Mom guilt means you care. It means that you are a freaking badass trying (probably as hard as you can) to be the best mom you can be for your family.“
That you feel that you are messing this up and falling short just shows how incredibly BIG your heart is. And feeling guilty for having mom guilt is just another shame trap and we aren’t going there, sis.
I know I will feel mom guilt every now and again. I can’t completely eliminate that feeling and I don’t have to. Experiencing mom guilt simply means I’ve got a big heart and I care a lot.
RELATED: HOW TO FIND REST IN GOD AS A MOM
Acknowledge your strengths
In my article, “You don’t have to mother like anyone else” I said this:
“I hope one day my kids thank me because they will remember the mama who unapologetically herself, mothered in her own unique way, and was happier for it. I hope they remember I didn’t let anyone else’s preconceptions about mothering shame or guilt me into doing motherhood in a way that was less than fully lit up.”
How do I practically overcome mom guilt? I spend time recognizing and celebrating my strengths as a mom. Like I say out loud the things I’m good at. I try to pause and notice moments when I am a patient mom, a listening mom, an involved mom–down on the floor letting race cars be run up and down my body.
I’ll probably never be the crafty mom, but I love to read to my kids and I love snuggling with them. I’m not a super playful mom, but I’m intentional to my to teach my kids personal responsibility and respect. I’m great at talking through emotions and helping my kids deal with their big feelings.
When I know my strengths, I can be confident in the type of mother I AM, not the one I wish to be or that I (or someone else) think I should be.
RELATED: The Role of a Mother in the Family
Understand God chose you (out of all the moms in the world) to be your kids mom
It is no accident that you are a mom to your children. God chose you for them AND them for you, sweet mama! God doesn’t make mistakes.
You are the perfectly imperfect mom for your kids. God uniquely formed you to be their mama at this moment in history.
Your call as a mom, daughter, sister, friend, beloved child of God is so much bigger than you can imagine. False guilt and shame in not measuring up is only going to hold you back from the vibrant, abundant life God wants you to step into.
I want you to know today when mom guilt and “the shoulds” start rearing their ugly heads…… rest in the truth that you are the perfect mama for your littles and your unique strengths are ENOUGH for your kids.
They need you. In all your imperfect glory.
Where do you see the mom guilt narrative most play out in your life?
What is one of your strengths as a mom?
