Motherhood Is Hard — And That’s Okay: A Christian Mom’s Honest Take

Our expectations are for good nappers, healthy children, smart children, obedient children. And when reality looks different, it can leave us feeling lost, disappointed, and wondering if we’re doing something wrong.

My four-month-old, has finished nursing. It’s over already. It’s not what I expected. I know, I know, in the scheme of things that don’t go as you expected in motherhood, this is a tiny one.

(I’ve had friends this year who have lost babies, dealt with infertility, had children diagnosed with illnesses or special needs — I know in the grand scheme this is a blip of a disappointment.)

But it’s still a little hard for this mama heart. We had literally the perfect nursing relationship — none of the start-off drama Layla had, the only struggle was keeping up with his demand. And when he was about 4 months, my supply started dropping off and Barrett’s appetite certainly didn’t!

So near 5 months we stopped breastfeeding. I’ve been focusing on some of the great things about bottle-feeding: daddy feedings, Layla feedings, real bras, not spending half the day with my shirt up — but it was over 2 months ago and it still makes me a little sad. I feel a little like I let him down.

What God Has Been Teaching Me About Motherhood and Expectations

Motherhood is hard work, friend. Even in the small things. Especially in the small things.

So here are a few things God’s been teaching me about motherhood and expectations — and I hope they encourage you wherever you are today.

1. My expectation should be to honor Christ. The end.

“As it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with FULL COURAGE now, as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death.” — Philippians 1:20

I can’t anticipate every situation, but I can choose in an unexpected circumstance to honor Christ. He is in it all — my attitude, my faith, my perseverance, my joy. They can all point to Him.

Being a mom is not easy, and it is hard to manage our expectations — especially of ourselves. But ask yourself: Is the way I’m parenting my children honoring to Christ?

That’s all He asks of you. You don’t have to break yourself over breastfeeding or sleep training or how quickly your child learns to read. Please don’t waste any more precious time worrying over being less than or more than. Ignore the mommy-judgment. Just honor Jesus.

2. My unmet expectations can draw me closer to Jesus.

When I think of unmet expectations I remember what is quite possibly my favorite story in the Bible: Martha, Mary, and Lazarus. (Read John 11 for the full story.) The story of expecting Jesus to come, expecting Jesus to be on time, expecting Him to heal, to swoop in and save the day — but He didn’t.

And no one gets it. The disciples don’t get it. Mary and Martha don’t get it. I certainly don’t get it.

The accusation rings out: “If you had been here…” You let us down, Jesus. You didn’t do what we expected.

I love that even though Jesus had a huge plan in their story — to allow Lazarus to die only to raise him to life — He wept with them. He was in the emotion with them. In the pain. In the unmet expectation.

I think sometimes as women we are conditioned to believe that all of our feelings are bad, that they somehow make us weak. But Jesus doesn’t shy away from your tears. He is in them with you. Crying with you.

I’ve had quite a few breakdown, ugly cries with Jesus. Those moments — though some I still don’t understand — have brought me closer to Him as I’ve leaned into His strong arms and surrendered.

Sometimes Jesus doesn’t meet our expectations because He wants to meet us beyond our expectations.

3. God wants to exceed my expectations.

Sometimes God doesn’t meet my expectations because He wants to EXCEED MY EXPECTATIONS. I set the bar far too low by assuming that His best is going to align with my ideal situation.

When I look at the Bible, I notice that God loves showing off in the hard. In the messy. In the impossible. In the unexpected. I see that in my life too. Sometimes the steep, rocky path — the hard way — leads me to a breathtaking waterfall.

Motherhood is hard, but friend, God is not finished with your story.

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.” — Ephesians 3:20

4. My experiences can encourage others going through the same thing.

The grace I breathe in to deal with the unexpected can also be the grace I breathe out to encourage and help others through similar trials.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” — 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I’ve been so blessed to have received that breath of comfort from other moms and I’m so grateful for it. For those who said “I get it, I’ve been there, don’t feel guilty, embrace where you are now” — someday I will pass those words on with love.

Motherhood Is Hard — But You Are Not Alone

Motherhood is hard but worth it — worth every tear, every unmet expectation, every moment of surrender. I’m sure I will bring my tears of unmet expectations to Jesus more times in this life. And I’m sure He will exceed my expectations just as many times.

Being a mom is not easy — but sweet friend, you are not doing it alone.

What expectations did you bring into motherhood? How do you manage when things don’t go as planned? I’d love to hear in the comments.