God With Us When Everything Sucks

I’m feeling uncertain of what to say, so I’ll just say it. My husband has cancer. Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, Stage 4 to be exact. It’s “a good kind of cancer”. One that is well-researched and has great options for treatment even at his advanced stage . He will hopefully start treatment by the end of the month and should (statistically) be healed within 6-9 months. 

All that is good news. But everything still sucks. He’s exhausted and weak; the cancer is having its way with his body right now and we don’t get to start fighting back for another couple weeks. I’m exhausted from solo parenting four kids and caring for him physically, supporting him emotionally, and shouldering the mental load of treatment plans, flag football practices, and keeping the laundry from piling up too excessively. 

People care and they are praying. But there is little that makes this less hard day to day. That helps me remember to lug out the trash and know what to do about the garage door not working right. That helps me crunch the budget in a global financial crisis and manage a moody preteen. 

I hold a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders. Right now they’re rock hard, fortresses steeling themselves for whatever is coming next. Every night I loop my shoulder massager around my neck and try to loosen them. But the next morning they’re exactly the same. I watch chiropractic adjustments on social media, longing for a physical release–for a “just pop it back into place” solution for my own body, but even more for my husband’s body. 

Cancer is a litany of dichotomies. We know there are positives to this situation (good insurance! flexible work! supportive community!), but there are a lot of things to be sad about too. (losing hair! feeling awful! no summer road trip!) People want to help and we need help, but it’s also hard to ask for help and to even know what to ask for. We trust God’s promises and also experience anxiety about sucky realities. 

We know God is working, but it’s also hard to hear “God has a plan for this” when we’re right in the middle of it. We’re wishing God’s plans for us involved lottery winnings or free tacos for life–not cancer. (Or Alzheimers or epilepsy or cystic fibrosis or tuberculosis or cerebral palsy or divorce or job loss or death of a loved one or any number of heartbreaking and frustrating things.) 

God With Us When Everything Sucks

To have faith is to have tension. I know God can do anything, but that doesn’t mean He does everything. 

We can’t act as if we don’t live in a reality broken by sin, sickness, and death. As if God wouldn’t require something difficult of us. As if Jacob didn’t walk with a limp all his days. As if arriving to heaven unscathed by earth is the goal. 

Following Jesus isn’t a pass to a pain-free life. Quite the opposite. John 16:33 says, ““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” But the beauty of the gospel is that we have Jesus–Jesus for eternity and Jesus for right now. 

“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”  -Matthew 28:20

God with us. In cancer. In weariness. In sassy kids and changing diapers and sleepless nights. In crisis and in the mundane–His presence is steady–surrounding and supporting us with His never stopping, never giving up, always and forever love. 

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

    he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.

Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever. -Psalm 23

How You Can Help

❤️ Pray. The biggest and best thing you can do for us. Specifically pray for good sleep and smoothness in procedures as we gear up for chemo.

❤️ For those in our community nearby we will have some specific things (help with kids, meals, lawn) that we will know better specifics in the next couple weeks. We’re so grateful to be surrounded by such love and support at this time.

❤️ For those further away who have wanted to help we’ve been so grateful for the notes and gift cards for food over the last few weeks. We are so grateful for those we loved that stretch across the country and around the world. A friend offered to create a simpler process that would cover more types of support via GoFundMe. If you’re interested in contributing check that out here.